Her beautiful smile Her infectious giggle Her determination to get the things she couldn’t have. Her love of the camera especially as a teething accessory! Her love of lights! How when you walked in or out of her room, when … Continue reading
Today was a glorious sunny day, crisp and cold and bright. We went to explore Bodiam Castle, a place very special to us as it is where David proposed to me a few years ago. Today it was a place … Continue reading
Yesterday we took Esther and William for A Day Out With Thomas at our local steam railway. They had a wonderful time and wore some very special shoes for the occasion. Beautiful soft leather elephant shoes from Livie and Luca. … Continue reading
Matilda Mae has been gone from us for two weeks.
It has been two long weeks since she died.
Long and yet no time at all.
She was inside of me for exactly 9 months, with us for exactly 9 months and it does not feel like it will be long before she will already be 9 months gone.
Two weeks dead.
Two weeks that ours has been a house of sadness.
A family with a broken heart.
But we have to carry on as best we can and make the world a better place for Esther and William.
They desperately need our love, crave our attention and deserve some fun.
Today we took them to see Thomas the Tank Engine at the Kent and East Sussex Railway.
We saw Thomas, met The Fat Controller, rode on a steam train and played with some lovely Thomas toys.
Esther and William had a wonderful time and were really very well behaved.
Even when our 70 minute train ride became over 110 minutes.
What did they do? Play with their imaginary train set of course!!
I was very proud of our little railway children.
Esther and William loved their day out with Thomas and it was wonderful to see their beautiful faces so full of innocent, care free, excitement and happiness.
It healed my heart just a little.
David and I worked hard to be happy for Esther and William today and I thought I had done particularly well but by the time evening began I was spent. I could not focus, I could not bear to be touched, I just needed to hide away and cry.
David’s parents arrived just in time and were able to give Esther and William some tea whilst I sat with David by Matilda’s cot and cried for other train journeys in times gone by.
Love you and miss you every single day
My beautiful darling Matilda Mae
Please please be at peace x
Today I held a death certificate in my hand for the very first time. The word is there at the top of the page. Black and bold. Death. Baby Tilda is not coming back. Tomorrow it has been two weeks … Continue reading
People have talked to me about having a place to be with Matilda and I have always said I do not need such a place because I am already talking to her everywhere. I believe she is with us, around … Continue reading
Happy Valentines Day! So today is the day of Saint Valentine. A time to love and spend time with those you hold dearest. Esther and William were at school this morning so as I pottered round the house I thought … Continue reading
Alongside Valentine Sensory Boxes there is this … Today We Remember The Little Life of Matilda Mae (1 Samuel 1: 27 – 28) I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So … Continue reading
Tomorrow is St Valentine’s Day. Though I am missing Matilda more than any words can say I am also trying to make the world a better and safer place for Esther and William. I am their mummy too. On the … Continue reading
Today has been an exhausting day. There have been moments of inspiration and planning, lots of talking, some playing, lots of crying, some shouting and swearing. Some feeling that nothing will be right ever again and some determination that everything … Continue reading