The number nine is Tilda’s number

Reflected now in Beatrice’s name

Nine

Matilda Mae was in the womb for exactly nine months

She was alive for nine months to the day that she died

Nine months after her death

I fell pregnant with our Rainbow Baby

The beautiful Baby Bea

Nine months after that our Rainbow Bea was born

Nine months after that

Here at Coombe Mill farm

Just days after Tilda’s third birthday

Baby Bea turned 9 months

She was very very poorly

The night of her nine months

I thought our links to nines were over

But then yesterday

Nine months away from the anniversary of Tilda’s death

My monthly cycle returned

With no warning or expectation

My cycles have started again

And if we were to conceive a baby this month

And they were born nine months from now

They would be born on or around

Matilda Mae’s anniversary

I am fairly certain we will not conceive

We are not really sure if or when we are even going to try

But the possibility

Is now at the forefront of my mind

Those nines!

Tilda’s numbers

Tilda’s nines

I am sure people will think I am bonkers

But for me the nines are signs

Signs from our star of the sea

Signs from our star in the sky

The nines are signs

I am certain from our beautiful Matilda Mae