One year ago a lady messaged me through Facebook

She wanted to say sorry about Matilda and for me to know that she lived close by

And that she too had a baby in the sky

Baby Harry

I did not reply to her first message, second or even third

But she never gave up

She did not ever give up on me

Eventually we met

And it was wonderful

She is wonderful

My beautiful and brave friend

Melissa

Mummy to Daisy, Barnaby, Digby and Baby Harrison in the sky

Tomorrow she will share her story

Harrison’s story

As part of the service for Matilda Mae Remembers

Melissa Dallamore

One of the bravest ladies I know

I am proud and honoured to call you my friend

I cannot imagine life now without you in it

And I am so thankful that you did not give up

Our beautiful angels brought us together

And tomorrow we remember them

In January 2005 we found out that we were expecting our first baby. I always wanted children, and I couldn’t wait to be a mummy. At an eleven week scan, all went well until the very last moment, when the sonographer told us that our baby had a prominent heart. Prominent. A word I will never forget. We were asked to return ten days later, to double check that everything was ok, that it was probably just a quirk of growth, and the body would soon catch up with the heart. So ten days later, and nothing had improved. We were immediately sent to our local hospital to see a consultant, where we were asked to come back in three weeks’ time for another scan, with baby being three weeks older, and the heart being clearer to see. We went back, saw our consultant, who sent us to see the visiting cardiologist, who just happened to be at the hospital that day. A long silent scan followed, and the medical words severe regurgitation. I could feel the tears burning down my cheeks. This is not how it was meant to be. Our baby, 16 weeks pregnant, had a severe heart defect. One of his heart valves did not close, and blood filled his heart, flowed the wrong way. As soon as his chest grew, his heart filled the space. Our consultant lovingly used the nickname our Big Hearted Baby. We were given different options, including a trickle of hope of surgery, but we knew what the reality was, I could see it in their faces. They could tell. Our cardiologist looked me in the eyes and said, your baby is going to die. Probably won’t survive pregnancy, if it does, probably won’t survive birth, if it does, definitely will not survive life. Our world fell apart, but for us there was only one option, continue with the pregnancy, give our son what we could. We were having a boy! He was not in pain inside me, he would not be in pain if born alive. A further complication grew, as the artery between his heart and lungs was blocked. Even if his heart was perfect, his lungs would not be able to inflate. No chance of survival. And so we lived the next five months, my little baby moving every now and then, not much. My heart breaking knowing that I could do nothing to save my little boy. But I am a Christian. I believe strongly in God and Jesus, and I took comfort in knowing that our son would be cared for in wonderful ways beyond our life. Every week I went for a scan, to check that he was still alive. At 39 weeks our son was born. Harrison Alan Dallamore. He survived his pregnancy. He survived his birth. And life? He lived for 31 minutes. The medics do not know how, it should not have been medically possible. Our plan was that I would hold Harrison for the seconds he would be alive. But he had other plans. I held him for a long time, he flashed his eyes open at me once, weakly squeezed my finger twice. Then my husband held him, still breathing. Our amazing consultant held him, still breathing. Our wonderful Vicar, who rushed to the hospital seven hours prior, was able to baptise Harrison, back in my arms, still breathing. Then he stopped. My hand on his heart, feeling it beating, feeling it stop. And for a few seconds, only I knew. My baby had gone to God. My beautiful Harrison fell asleep in my arms. I looked up and told my husband. Harrison was perfect, 6lb 15oz. Born on Sunday 18th September 2005, 8.30am, and passed away at 9.01am. After nine months in my tummy, five months of us knowing he was to be an angel, he saw the sun. My baby was born, said hello to his mummy and daddy, and then went to Heaven and saw the sun. May God bless your soul, Harrison Alan Dallamore. We love you, and we will meet again.