I find the best way to cope with Tilda days Is to make them super special The lead up to her birthday and anniversary Is always going to be awful There is no getting away from that But if I … Continue reading
Our Special Tilda Day
Author Archives: Jennie
Over The Sea To Sky
C.S. Lewis Her absence is like the sky, spread over everything. Two years of life Two years of death Two years of treading water Paddling hard to stay afloat Getting nowhere Doing all we can To save ourselves from drowning … Continue reading
Two Years On
She should be at preschool My beautiful baby girl Running along on her chubby legs Chunky rainbow tights Bunches in her hair She should be talking ten to the dozen Telling us the ins and outs of her days She … Continue reading
Photo 365: Days 12 – 30
There is always hope “Grief does not change you, Hazel. It reveals you.” ― John Green, The Fault in Our Stars “Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart.” … Continue reading
Being Me
You say you cannot imagine what it is like to be me My advice: Don’t even try I reluctantly wake in the morning I am in no hurry to begin a day My first thought is of Bea Is she … Continue reading
Get Outside!
Sports Wear for Little People
David and I are making a concerted effort this year to get fit We are trying to get out into the great outdoors every day And when we can we take Esther and William with us Sometimes they are reluctant … Continue reading
One Week
It is not that I see it happening
It is not that I relive the night
But I feel it
I feel that night
It creeps up on me through the day
And as night falls
The icy grip of fear and terror takes hold
I look at Bea
Almost 6 months old but exactly as Tilda was at 9
Exactly as Tilda was when she died
Bea is never long out of my sight
Never really long out of my arms
And this week
For this one week
I am hating putting her down
David is exhausted from his week away
Craving bed and sleep
I am too scared to close my eyes
And when I do and I wake
Horror meets my eyes
A white baby
Tinged with blue
I blink and shake and look again
And there is Bea
As she should be
Pink and chubby
Breathing
Snuffling
As alive as alive can be
My heart races
Tears fall
Any hope of sleep is gone
Bea stirs
Searches the dark for comfort and milk
Her love
Her need
Her touch
Calms my heart
And then the guilt rages
For this healthy living baby
When I am missing our baby that died
Twists and turns and stabs of emotion
The wounds of loss and grief run deep
This week
This one week
The wounds are open
Weeping
Infected and sore
The hurt is hurting all over again
Burning
Stinging
The anger is bubbling
Fire of fear burning
A river of rage bursting its banks
As this week
This one week
I feel it all again
Wishing for just one more moment
Wishing for one last cuddle and open mouthed kiss
Wishing I had had my chance to say goodbye
Wishing that two years on we might at least have an answer
As to why and how our baby died
This week
This one week
Snatching at memories
Searching for smells long gone
It has been two years
She has been dead far longer than she was alive
Losing her is killing me
Has broken us
The damage and destruction is still going on
Not just this week
Or that week
No one week
But all weeks on and on
Our baby is missing
Dead
Cremated
Gone
This week
This one week
We are reminded
How much we have lost
How much we still stand to lose
How far we have come
How we hate ourselves for coming
This week
This one week
Bears the pain and fear and anger of all the other weeks
As we relive, recount, remember the one week when she died
The one week
That held the one night
She died
An ode to Winter Woollies
There is much to love about winter
But I am sure that you will agree
That one of the seasonal highlights
Is wrapping up warm and snuggly
There is something truly special
About the feel of winter wool
Like family meals and chocolatey treats
That you leave you happy and full
I love to wear wool in winter
I love to wrap a cardigan round
I love the feel of woollen socks
When there is frost on the ground
It starts with festive fun at Christmas
A character or Nordic Knit
Baggy jumpers for pyjama days
Pub lunches require a more flattering fit
You might match your jumper with his one
Or perhaps mix and match with the kids
You might share your wool with your hubby
Sell your own dodgy home knit for high bids
There is much to love about winter
But I am sure that you will agree
That one of the seasonal highlights
Is wrapping up warm and snuggly
A lambswool maxi cardi
For throwing on when you get out of bed
Or if you prefer to share with your man
Perhaps a unisex hoodie instead?
A cashmere shirt for the office
Kimono sleeves for fun
A short sleeve jumper for warmer spring days
A tank top for summer sun
Whether you want a polo neck
A v neck or a crew
Woolovers has something perfect
For a wool lover such as you
So stock your wardrobe this winter
With merino and cashmere blends
As the temperatures dip and the snow starts to fall
Let winter woollens be your friends
There is much to love about winter
But I am sure that you will agree
That one of the seasonal highlights
Is wrapping up warm and snuggly
There is something truly special
About the feel of winter wool
Like family meals and chocolatey treats
That you leave you happy and full
If you are shopping for seasonal woollies this winter please do check out Woolovers. This is a sponsored post but their jumpers, tops and cardigans really do look fantastic.
Happy shopping!
Early Years Teacher Tool Kit
I have started helping out a little bit at Esther and William’s school I have not really done anything yet But I have got the education bug badly If it were not for Bea I would definitely be making my … Continue reading