A few weeks ago Our day started with a question Can we make a rainbow, Mummy? We talked about how rainbows are made We remembered rainbow days Rainbow weather And we blew rainbow bubbles The bubbles reminded me of a … Continue reading
For the last two and a half weeks We have been in Spain with my parents They live in a small bungalow Just outside Parcent A hillside village Between Valencia and Alicante We travelled to my parents Rather than them … Continue reading
As a day of spring sunshine in Spain draws to a close A wet Easter in Kent feels a lifetime away But I want to share our experience of meeting the Easter Bunny At Wyevale Chartham, near Canterbury This is … Continue reading
In two days Bea will be 20 months old
She has slept every single night of her life with me
I cannot imagine things having been any other way
But we need to find a way to stop
The darkest part of my days
Is the hour I sit in a pitch black room
Willing a giant baby Bea to fall asleep
In my arms
On my lap
I am still feeding her to sleep
Because physically and emotionally I don’t know how to stop
Yet physically and emotionally this is what I need the most
Feeding Bea to sleep
Sitting motionless on the sofa with her
From 6pm everyday
Is crippling me
Literally crippling me
For the past three days I have been in excruciating pain
In my lower back
All round my hips
Down my thighs and in the back of my knees
I can tell from where it hurts most
That is linked to how I sit while feeding Bea
It is not good for my mental wellbeing either
The darkness of the living room
I get sad and cross and frustrated
The longer it takes Bea to fall asleep
The worse I feel
We do not end our days together well
I want my evenings back
I want my body back
I just wish I knew how
She has never slept in a cot
I do not really mind her being in bed with me
It is the sofa in the evening that is hard
It feels like a huge roadblock
Stopping me
Us
From moving forward
I could spend my evenings doing jobs around the house
Setting up learning and play for the next day
Anything other than feeling totally trapped
Under Bea
I am beginning to really resent the time
Dread the time
It is not good for our relationship
It is not the bonding experience it once was when she was new born
I want us to move to the next stage together
I want to straighten out the kinks
Most notably in my spine!
I dread the darkness falling
I hate our living room
Can anyone please tell me what I should do?
After a lovely Easter Saturday at home We headed out to the town of my birth Chatham To a place of local historical interest And family historical interest Chatham Dockyard Most of my family Worked at the dockyard in their … Continue reading
This weekend has been just what I needed An easy Easter with my family Saturday saw a very excited Esther, William and Bea Keen, ready and waiting for their cousins to arrive We began the day with breakfast And tidying … Continue reading
I am 40 this year In 6 months and 3 days to be precise I am in complete denial of the fact That I can be anywhere near that old But I am 40 4 beautiful children Major emergency abdominal … Continue reading
So I have two days left with my class Two days to wrap up and hand over Two days to let go I am feeling ridiculously emotional about the whole thing I have grown so attached to my children And … Continue reading
Life at the moment is about getting ready Getting ready to leave my job Getting ready to hand over my class Getting ready to go to Spain Getting ready to extend and renovate our house Getting ready to turn 40! … Continue reading
Monday will be three years since we said goodbye Three long years Life has gone on As it has a habit of doing Our living children are growing The hole left in our lives remains I cry less now But … Continue reading