The number nine is Tilda’s number Reflected now in Beatrice’s name Nine Matilda Mae was in the womb for exactly nine months She was alive for nine months to the day that she died Nine months after her death I … Continue reading
Nine
Category Archives: Parenting
Four
Four
We got up at 4am
To leave at half past four
To begin the four hour journey
For our fourth May visit
Four
We ordered four breakfasts
At The Little Chef
Pancakes
Syrup
Breakfasts to share
While beaming Bea
Stood on her chair
Singing Heads, Shoulders, Knees and Toes
Four
Four o’clock
Activity hour
Special, social time at the farm
Colourful memories
Giggles and smiles
Round and round the maypole
Dancing
Creating
Making
Painting
Bright rainbow colours
Purple and pink
Four
Four ribbon colours on the maypole
Pink and purple
Yellow
Green
We are here on the farm
By her river
Our river
We are here for our daughter
Who should
On Monday
Be turning four
Four
She should be with us
Running
Grinning
Dancing
This is her special place
Was always meant to be
From Christmas Day 2012
When we booked her first birthday holiday
She came with us that first year
And from here she sailed
Four years ago
Four
From here she sailed
Across the sea
To the sky
So now we come in her honour
For her memory
For her birthday
We are here on the farm
By her river
Our river
We are here for our daughter
Who should
On Monday
Be turning four
Four
A Day of Rainbow Play
A few weeks ago Our day started with a question Can we make a rainbow, Mummy? We talked about how rainbows are made We remembered rainbow days Rainbow weather And we blew rainbow bubbles The bubbles reminded me of a … Continue reading
Espana: Why We Went
For the last two and a half weeks We have been in Spain with my parents They live in a small bungalow Just outside Parcent A hillside village Between Valencia and Alicante We travelled to my parents Rather than them … Continue reading
Family Fun with Wyevale Garden Centres
As a day of spring sunshine in Spain draws to a close A wet Easter in Kent feels a lifetime away But I want to share our experience of meeting the Easter Bunny At Wyevale Chartham, near Canterbury This is … Continue reading
In The Darkness of the Living Room
In two days Bea will be 20 months old
She has slept every single night of her life with me
I cannot imagine things having been any other way
But we need to find a way to stop
The darkest part of my days
Is the hour I sit in a pitch black room
Willing a giant baby Bea to fall asleep
In my arms
On my lap
I am still feeding her to sleep
Because physically and emotionally I don’t know how to stop
Yet physically and emotionally this is what I need the most
Feeding Bea to sleep
Sitting motionless on the sofa with her
From 6pm everyday
Is crippling me
Literally crippling me
For the past three days I have been in excruciating pain
In my lower back
All round my hips
Down my thighs and in the back of my knees
I can tell from where it hurts most
That is linked to how I sit while feeding Bea
It is not good for my mental wellbeing either
The darkness of the living room
I get sad and cross and frustrated
The longer it takes Bea to fall asleep
The worse I feel
We do not end our days together well
I want my evenings back
I want my body back
I just wish I knew how
She has never slept in a cot
I do not really mind her being in bed with me
It is the sofa in the evening that is hard
It feels like a huge roadblock
Stopping me
Us
From moving forward
I could spend my evenings doing jobs around the house
Setting up learning and play for the next day
Anything other than feeling totally trapped
Under Bea
I am beginning to really resent the time
Dread the time
It is not good for our relationship
It is not the bonding experience it once was when she was new born
I want us to move to the next stage together
I want to straighten out the kinks
Most notably in my spine!
I dread the darkness falling
I hate our living room
Can anyone please tell me what I should do?
Easter Sunday Transport and Steam
After a lovely Easter Saturday at home We headed out to the town of my birth Chatham To a place of local historical interest And family historical interest Chatham Dockyard Most of my family Worked at the dockyard in their … Continue reading
Easy Easter Saturday
This weekend has been just what I needed An easy Easter with my family Saturday saw a very excited Esther, William and Bea Keen, ready and waiting for their cousins to arrive We began the day with breakfast And tidying … Continue reading
Growing Older Comfortably with Canesten
I am 40 this year In 6 months and 3 days to be precise I am in complete denial of the fact That I can be anywhere near that old But I am 40 4 beautiful children Major emergency abdominal … Continue reading
Let It Go
So I have two days left with my class Two days to wrap up and hand over Two days to let go I am feeling ridiculously emotional about the whole thing I have grown so attached to my children And … Continue reading