We associate Tilda with the night sky

Tilda is a star now, Esther and William will say

She has gone to play with the stars

Whenever the sky is pink and purple

It is known by so many

As a Tilda Sky

Pink and purple are her colours

The sky is her domain

Perhaps it is because I am not a morning person

That I do not associate the sunrise with her

I associate the sunrise with Baby Harry

The angel baby of a very dear friend

One of the saddest stories and bravest mummies I know

Melissa has held my hand since Tilda died

She, like so many others

Is further ahead of me on the path of grief

And though she still finds life hard

She has also found some peace

And is trying to help me find mine

She understands the pain I experience every day

Every single day

Each time the sun comes up

One child too few gets up out of bed

One child too few eats breakfast

One too few sets of teeth to clean

One child too few on the school run

The emptiness of my home and heart

When Esther and William are at school

The bittersweet warmth of rainbow baby cuddles

Knowing that longing for a baby

Is as much longing for the one that can never come back

As longing for a baby brand new

Knowing that days after the special days are hard

Knowing the lead up can be littered with stabs to the heart

Understanding why Christmas and birthdays are hard

Knowing that tiny little things can make such a big difference to a day

Knowing what to say

Realising when not to say anything at all

Tilda brought many special and amazing people into my life

Some with stories that will break your heart

Melissa is a beautiful soul

A dear friend who cares for our family as much as I have fallen in love with hers

And every morning when the sun comes up

As the sun rises in the sky

As I remember that Tilda is still not here

And never can be again

I take one minute and I close my eyes

And I pray for Melissa and our babies in the sky

And thinking of him and his mummy

I whisper,

Good Morning Harrison

Here comes the sun!

Vilac is a French company making traditional, durable, classic toys

Vilac is a toy company that believes in giving trees a second, joyous life with children

I had never heard of Vilac until I became an ambassador for Asobi Toys

Now I am honoured and excited to be sharing my discovery with you

Vilac toys are beautiful toys

Timeless toys to be enjoyed for generations

Toys that will grow up with your little ones – and all the other ones who will follow!

When offered a choice of Vilac toys to review I chose this Evolutive puzzle

Three puzzles in one box, one set

Three beautiful puzzles that tell a story

That can be pieced together by children from the age of two

Start with four pieces, then five, then six

Though the puzzle is recommended from age two

Esther adored it age four

She unwrapped the pieces of each puzzle

Carefully pieced them together

Then sang songs and made up stories about the characters and the scenes

The chunky wooden pieces are perfect for little hands

The creative colourful pictures are perfect for little minds

This is a toy that inspires learning

That stimulates conversation

A toy to be enjoyed over and over again

The pictures can be used to talk about animals, colours, order and size

There is a colourful rainbow rain scene

A road of racing cars

And a woodland filled with animals

The puzzles provide potential for plenty of play

But more than that

The pictures are art

And would be perfect on the wall of a nursery or playroom

A reminder as children grow

Of how they used to play

What they used to enjoy

This set of puzzles from Vilac is a wonderful toy

Presented in a sturdy storage box that would look stunning on any shelf

This set of puzzles from Vilac would make a beautiful gift

A beautiful rainbow gift

If you would like one of these puzzles worth £20, you can buy one from Kind Toys who for the month of October are offering 20% off the price if you use the code Vilac at the checkout. The code is valid for all Vilac Toys

For an idea of what other toys are available you can read the reviews written by the other members of the Asobi ambassador team. Each ambassador also has a Vilac toy to giveaway

Susan K Mann
A Mummy Too
Lilinha Angel

Here you can win one of these beautiful picture puzzle sets, by filling in the Rafflecopter form below

Good Luck!

UK Entrants only please

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Esther and William were born on 24th July 2010

After I fell ill during the second trimester of my pregnancy with them

I spent 10 days in hospital fighting for my life and theirs

Only because of the skilled surgeon and medical team who cared for me

Are any of us here today

I left hospital after emergency surgery and a blood transfusion

On the 20th July

On the morning of the 24th I went into hospital

Already in active labour

And in just a few hours

Our babies came

27 weeks gestation

13 weeks too soon

Nothing can prepare you for giving birth so early

Having your babies whisked away

Seeing them for the first time in a plastic box

Wires, tubes and machines

Keeping them alive, helping them breathe

Nothing can prepare you

For motherhood

Let alone starting your life as a mother in this way

Unable to do what is natural and needed

Relying on medical experts to care for your baby

Knowing that they are doing all that can be done

To keep a heart beating

To allow the tiny newborn bodies to function and grow

Nothing can prepare you for the waiting

The hoping

The praying

The fear

The pain

Esther and William spent 59 days in NICU

By the time they were ready to leave

We were terrified of bringing them home

Perhaps like a term in prison

We felt institutionalised

All the parenting we knew

Had been learnt in a special care unit

Now we were taking two tiny 4lb babies home

Prematurity does not end at the Neonatal Unit door

It stays with you and the children born too soon

All their lives

Esther and William were born in July

It was the end of September before we were allowed to take them home

At 36 weeks gestation we took our babies home

Just as the cold, flu and RSV season got underway

RSV, not sure you would ever hear of it if you did not have or know a premature babe

We kept them safe and illness free throughout the winter

By not letting many people in our house

By alienating family and friends

By doing what we had to do to ensure that they were not readmitted to hospital

There were no baby groups for us

No parties or classes

Not until the winter was over

And the season of infectious illness had passed

Not until Esther and William

Had the size and strength of an average newborn baby

When they were nearly one year old

Once we started getting out and about

So the questions began

Parenting premature twins can be a lonely job

Nothing is ever straight forward

Milestones are not reached at usual times

There are always worries about sickness and health

You always wonder what the long term effects might be

Prematurity does not just effect the child

But the family

Relationships change

Can be strained

Even four years on

Decisions are difficult

When to wean

How to wean

Starting nursery

Starting school

Potty training

What is age and size appropriate for a premature child does not always correlate

Age and ability are not always matched

Prematurity does not end at the NICU door

It is still there when the children are four

It is a part of us, of them

Forever more

Esther and William were born in July

It was the end of September before we were allowed to take them home

It was the end of October when they were due

This is a funny time of year

A limbo time of year

When you realise just how early our babies were born

How long the weeks are between birth date and due date

A gaping gap of time that will always be there

And I know that we are lucky to have our twins alive

More than most I know

But it does not stop the pain, the guilt, the questioning

During this curious limbo time

Prematurity does not end at the Neonatal Unit Door

This

This is a funny time of year